


champagne problems

by mydragulesebastian



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Heartbreak, Lovers, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28200708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydragulesebastian/pseuds/mydragulesebastian
Summary: 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦: problem or dilemma that, when compared to issues of poverty, national disasters and war, are not all that big of a deal, but nonetheless provide individuals with issues that must be dealt with.
Relationships: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Y/N, Bucky Barnes x female reader
Kudos: 15





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> by the title i’m sure some of you are aware that this is based off taylor swift’s song of the same name. it’s a little heavy in my opinion, but i did put my heart into it so this one means a lot to me. if you are struggling with any sort of mental health issues please reach out, someone is always there for you i promise.   
> as always, feedback is always appreciated! xx

𝐀sole brown leaf fell onto the windshield snapping Y/N out of her dark thoughts. She felt a hand on her thighs and a soft “ _we’re here”_ echo throughout the vehicle. The door slammed as he got out of the old Chevy truck, causing the entire vehicle to shake. He made his way over to her side of the truck and opened the door for her with a lovely grin on his face to match his kind eyes.

Even after all these years together his chivalry never seemed to die. Y/N wished dearly that it sparked something in her like it did so many times before. She wished she felt anything for him, actually. She wasn’t sure when she had fallen out of love with him. Sadly, she began to question if she ever was in love with him.

They walked onto the empty college campus littered with beautiful foliage, his arm wrapping around Y/N’s shoulders. The only warmth she felt capable of earning from him came from his thick flannel shirt. He led her towards the dorms, entering the third building they came across. They climbed up the stairs to the third floor stopping in front of a random door with a blank whiteboard attached to it just like her thoughts and heart.

He opened the door slowly and walked into the empty room looking back at Y/N who was still out in the hallway. To anyone else, the lack of light and his icy blue eyes shining brightly as an invitation would’ve driven them crazy; maybe even having him right there and then. But once again she felt absolutely nothing for him, in turn making her feel worthless of being in his presence and earning his love.

“I used to room with Sam and Steve,” Bucky remembered out loud looking back into the room. “The things we used to do… it was a madhouse in here,” he ended with a chuckle loud enough for Y/N to hear from her spot in the hallway.

“Well, I guess it was made for me,” Y/N joked but he didn’t laugh.

Instead, he frowned to himself wondering where the girl he fell in love with went. Or was she always this way? Insanely talented at hiding the worst part of herself from him for so long.

They walked out of the dorms a couple of minutes later, the quietness eating them up. Mostly Bucky though. Worry setting in for the girl that walked next to him. There was no life in her eyes anymore. It was as though every time he tried to get close she ran away and he was afraid that he’d lose her altogether too soon. 

Bucky drove back to his family home some miles away from the college campus, the radio drowning out the heavy silence that tagged along with them from the dorms. They arrived 20 minutes later at his parent’s home. It was a quaint home with brick walls and a slate tiled roof tied together with a chimney. Their porch was decorated with a small white, wooden bench and pots of bright flowers. It reminded Y/N of the fairytale dreams she once had.

Inside was warm and full of life. There were pictures of Bucky and his sister almost everywhere, showing guests and the kids themselves that their parents were immensely proud of them. She figured that’s why Bucky did the same —his own home decorated with pictures of friends and family and his wallet with a picture of Y/N that he took with a polaroid he found at a thrift shop.

Winnie’s hugs were just like her home; you could feel the love she radiated when her arms were wrapped around you. But the hug Y/N received when she walked through the door felt different. It was warm like always but tighter than normal. The look in her eyes scared Y/N. It almost seemed as though she knew something that Y/N didn’t.

Not too far behind them was Bucky’s younger and spunkier sister, Rebecca. She walked in creating a buzz and in her hands was a large bottle of Dom Perignon. Y/N’s brows furrowed; Bucky hadn’t mentioned anything about celebrating and Y/N hadn’t even packed clothes remotely appropriate for a party.

“We’ll break this out tomorrow,” Rebecca winked at Y/N but Y/N just stared at her, not knowing how to react.

“That’s a really expensive bottle of champagne,” Y/N mumbled to Bucky, looking at him with worried eyes.

He let out a soft breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know Becca. She likes to go all out with everything she does.”

Y/N didn’t believe him, but then again who did she believe? She didn’t even believe her own self the majority of the time. 

They all had dinner together later that night, Y/N feeling out of place as the family of 4 talked about everything and anything. She could feel herself slowly disappearing into the background even when they tried to bring her into the conversation. There was nothing she could muster up.

When Winnie got up to grab dessert from the kitchen, Y/N leaned over and whispered in Bucky’s ear that she didn’t feel all that great. He looked over at her with furrowed brows, the crease between his brows had grown deeper in the past couple of hours from the worry Y/N had been causing him. But she flashed him her best fake smile to let him know that she would be fine and he believed her just like all the times before. 

The next morning, Y/N woke up to a kiss on the forehead. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to look at Bucky or else she’d start crying out of frustration and say the worst things that came to mind. She didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve him.

She wasn’t sure how long she was in bed for but she rolled out when her bladder felt like it was going to explode. After freshening up in the shared bathroom, she bumped into Becca out in the hallway. Becca invited Y/N to go to the mall with her, a girls trip she said. 

Y/N almost denied the invitation but Becca was giving her the same look her brother did when he wanted something so she agreed. She didn’t have it in her to reject Becca. 

They headed to the mall a couple of hours later, Y/N feeling like a rain cloud standing next to bubbly Rebecca. Becca noticed Y/N was acting differently. It was almost like she was a whole new person from the last time she saw her. And when she mentioned a small little gathering that their parents decided to do at the end of the week, she swore Y/N rolled her eyes. Yet, Y/N bought an outfit for the occasion when Becca mentioned it again, but not because she wanted to but because she felt obligated as Bucky’s girlfriend.

“You okay?” Becca asked Y/N as she backed out of the parking spot skillfully.

“Yeah,” Y/N replied, her lips in a straight line and eyes blank. “Why?”

Becca hummed but decided to not push it. She’d take Y/N’s answer for what it was. Maybe she was having an off day. “Oh, just asking.”

Y/N looked over at Becca and nodded before looking out the passenger side window as the wind blew around harshly. Becca turned on the radio and even though the song playing was one of Y/N’s favorites, all she could think of was going home without Bucky in tow and never having to see him again.


	2. two

𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 night finally rolled around with an abnormal amount of anxiousness building up in Y/N. Nevertheless, Y/N got ready with Becca for the party in the shared bathroom. Even though she felt overly anxious, her mood had lightened up slightly after going out to the bars with Bucky, Sam, Steve, Natasha, and Peggy a couple of nights ago.

It reminded her of the good times; when she wanted to live life to the fullest—when her worries seemed minuscule enough to not care about.

After changing into her outfit she bought at the mall with Becca, she made her way to the living room where Bucky immediately stood up to welcome her. He made his way to her in two large strides, taking her hand in his and leaning down to give her a quick kiss on the lips. To his surprise, she turned her face and his lips landed on her cheek instead. Y/N pulled her hand away from him and took a small step back.

Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion. Had he done something to her? She was perfectly fine up until a minute ago. What happened?

They left sometime after the awkward incident, Bucky and Y/N leaving in his truck while Winnie, George, and Becca went in Becca's shiny BMW. They arrived at the small town hall 10 minutes later, Bucky opening the door for Y/N. She ignored him though, making her way inside without waiting for him.

Inside, she spotted their friends at a table. She smiled to herself, taking a deep breath before making her way over. They all exchanged hugs and cheek kisses, compliments thrown around the group before Bucky came over. Y/N intertwined her fingers in front of her, looking down at her shoes.

A wave of sadness washed over her suddenly, her chest feeling heavy and legs numb. She decided to take a seat, not wanting to collapse in front of everyone. She took deep breaths hoping no one could tell she was currently going through a small anxiety attack. Everything seemed like too much lately. Why would anyone want to be with her or even love her? _She_ couldn't even do that.

Y/N could feel Bucky’s eyes on her the entire night, not once taking them off of her. She tried to eat, but her stomach was a mess making it nearly impossible to keep any food down no matter how hard she tried. So instead she drank away until the tips of her fingers felt numb just like the rest of her.

“Hey,” she heard Bucky whisper in her ear creating a wave of chills on her body. “Let’s dance.”

She shrugged, pushing herself away from the table and standing up. She stumbled a bit but Bucky caught her like he always did. He was too good to her and Y/N felt terrible about it.

They made it to the middle of the dance floor, swaying to the slow song playing on the speakers at the end of the hall. Bucky wrapped an arm around Y/N’s waist, his other hand coming up to hold hers. She felt at home for once while in his grip. She could almost taste the good days on the tip of her tongue again.

But when she pulled back to look Bucky in the eyes, her heart shattered into a million pieces at the look he was giving her. He was so in love with her and no one could deny it. Not even Y/N herself.

She dropped his hand, wrapping her arms around his neck instead to pull him close. His grip on her waist tightened and Y/N was sure that all the time they spent together flashed before her eyes.

“Y/N?”

She hummed in response. His lips slowly dragged against her bare shoulder before he spoke again. “You know I love you, right?”

She hummed again, afraid that her voice would crack with emotion if she spoke. He kissed her shoulder this time, his lips feeling so unfamiliar against her skin now.

“I would do anything for us—for you. I’ve tried to think of my life without you and I just can’t,” Bucky spoke from the heart. “So with my mom’s ring in my pocket I wanna ask you something… will you marry me?”

Y/N stopped swaying in place as her world became a dizzy mess. He had to be joking, she thought to herself in the middle of all the frenzy in her brain.

She pulled away from him, her arms falling at her side. Bucky looked hopeful, hand in his right side pocket playing with the ring nestled in between his index finger and thumb. Y/N looked around the room and saw everyone watching with the same hopeful look on Bucky’s face, some even recording on their phones.

She spotted their friends watching excitedly from the sidelines. Oh, how Y/N wished she could wrap them up and tell them that it was all her fault that this was going to end the way it would tonight. She knew she’d never see them again after this and she hated herself for it. But she was sure they’d soon forget about her just like Bucky would and they’d go out every night and have fun just like they used to before her. She was replaceable.

When Y/N finally looked back at Bucky, tears threatened to spill from her eyes. It wasn't due to the proposal, but over what she was about to do. She swallowed hard, taking small steps backward until she was off the dance floor leaving Bucky standing alone in the colorful lights flashing around him.

She turned on her heel to walk straight to the table with their evergreen friends. They began to protest her departure, but she tuned them out as she grabbed her purse and walked out of the town hall, the crisp air blowing angrily around her drying her tears.

She had no idea where she was going but she walked and walked until she came across an empty diner. The bell above the door rang but no one looked over to see who had walked in. She sighed out in relief, finding the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

Y/N pulled out her phone and searched for an Uber. There was one 5 minutes away while the train station was 10. She quickly searched for a one-way trip back home, finding the last ride for the night.

She fixed herself up as much as she could with water and rough paper towels right before she got a notification that her driver was waiting for her outside. Once again, no one batted an eye as she hurried outside. The driver didn’t say much and Y/N was thankful for that. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. All she wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up again. 

Y/N checked her phone again, unread texts from just about everyone at the party. She even went onto Facebook and realized someone was doing a live video from the event. She didn’t watch it. Instead, she read the comments people left. The one sticking out to her the most from someone named Dot.

**_Is she fucked in the head or something?_ **

Then another comment from an older woman named Agatha.

**_Such a shame. She would’ve made such a lovely bride to James._ **

She exited out of the app, a sob making its way up her throat. Lucky for her, her ride stopped in front of the train station just a minute later. She got out without a single word, the car speeding off to go pick up someone else.

Alone in the night, Y/N fell against the wall before walking into the train station with her hand over her mouth to quiet the cry she let out. Why did it hurt so much if she wasn’t in love with him anymore? Isn’t this what you wanted, she asked herself. And while it was, she didn’t want it to end like this but she couldn’t bring herself to even think of coming face to face with him any time in the future or ever. Not when she left him crestfallen in front of everyone.

Y/N boarded the train a couple of hours later, finding a window seat and curling up in the clothed seat. She leaned her head against the cold glass, watching the world blur in front of her as they sped through the night. She felt lonely as everyone around her slept but she was sure she’d feel worse riding on a busier train.

* * *

By the time she arrived in her city, the sun was on its way up. Her eyes were dry and sore. She had lost count of how many times she cried throughout the trip, but she hoped she had run out of tears. She was tired of crying.

She hailed a cab home and stumbled into her apartment, Bucky’s scent strong the second she walked in. Her eyes began to well up, memories—both good and bad—coming to mind. She threw her purse onto the kitchen table and dragged herself to her room, pulling back the covers and burying herself underneath them to cry herself to sleep once again.

Y/N wasn’t sure what time or day it was when she woke up, but she felt slightly better. At least well enough to get up and take a shower and try to eat something. After she ate cereal, she took her phone out of her purse, hundreds of unread text messages and calls. None from Bucky though. Not like she expected it but there was a sliver of selfish hope that he would.

After throwing her bowl in the sink she went back to bed, wrapping herself in the blankets again. With her phone in her hand, she searched for Bucky’s contact and debated on calling him but she knew she wouldn’t be able to find her voice. So she opened her messages and began to type.

**_Bucky,_ **

**_I don’t know where to start._ **

**_I guess I should start by saying that this isn’t your fault. It’s mine and it’ll always be mine. You did absolutely nothing wrong for me to have left you there. I should’ve talked to you about what was going on, but it’s too late now._ **

**_Isn’t it always?_ **

**_You were so good to me. And I was undeserving of it. I am undeserving of all the love you have to give._ **

**_I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused not only you but your family and friends._ **

**_I’ll miss you so much, Bucky. All the memories we shared will not be forgotten no matter how hard my mind tries to tell me to get rid of them because you were one of the best things in my life._ **

**_Life is weird like this, I guess. Or maybe that’s just what my brain wants me to believe._ **

**_If there’s one thing I’d want you to know about the time we were together it would be that my love never faltered, not even last night. Deep down inside, I know I still loved you with everything I had. I just wasn't strong enough to fight the demons to show you one last time._ **

**_I’m still trying to figure out where it went wrong... where my brain convinced me that I was no good for you._ **

**_Please know that it wouldn’t have worked out. The terrible voices have made me believe I am not worthy of love or happiness and I couldn’t bring you down with me._ **

**_But I know you’ll find someone better than me very soon because you're wonderful. She’ll let you hold her hand while dancing and never deny a kiss. You’ll replace my picture in your wallet with hers because you’re so damn proud to be hers. And when you decide to marry her, your mom’s ring with fit her finger perfectly._ **

**_She’ll be so perfect that you’ll have forgotten all about me and my problems, I promise you that._ **

Y/N paused before hitting send. She watched the screen for a couple of minutes before spotting the three little dots at the bottom left of the screen jumping as Bucky typed. And she waited and waited until the dots stopped jumping and disappeared.

Yet, the message never came through leaving her crestfallen just like she had left him.


End file.
